I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize