one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
