At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
