Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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