im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
