piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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