Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
