Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
