Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
