I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
