Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
