I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize