I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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