I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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