A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
