Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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