Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
