I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize