Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
