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• (818): View more from California

  dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  that's awkward

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?

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• (718): View more from New York

  you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!

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