Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
