i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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