I showed him my bush... on skype.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
