This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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