my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
