Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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