Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
