got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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