one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
