Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
