So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
