I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My life is pants optional.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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