do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
