So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
