i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
