I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
