she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Someone shit on the floor
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
