I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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