I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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