What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
