normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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