I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize