you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
