I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize