if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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