You're completely useless in the revolution.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize