I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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