His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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