What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
