It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
