why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
