i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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