Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
