I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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