I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
