I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
