i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
