I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Even my vagina gasped.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize