i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize