there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
