Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
