Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
